The Valley of the Sun...yep - they were right!  


We are almost three months into our Arizona adventure and the most common question I receive?  "Why in the world would you move here in June?!?!"  You know - I didn't think much of it for most of our time here...until last night.  

Sun Devil Football opening game, September 1, 2011. I was so excited to go and so appreciative of the tickets given to me by a co-worker.  Tim and I head in and sit....and sweat, and sweat and sweat.  GROSS.  I've sat through many sporting events where I have just felt super gross, but last night took the prize.  You see, at a daytime NASCAR race I am prepared for the heat (and humidity back home), but here...it is dark and yet the temperature is no less than when the sun was out - I am only missing the sun directly on my skin.  I was prepared to be uncomfortable, to be hot...but I was not prepared for the overall miserable feeling my body had.  I think I lost every ounce of water possible and my sweat found new ways to roll down my body.  Again, gross!  When we took the tickets out of our pockets...they were crinkly and a bit wet.  

So, to everyone that asked me if I was crazy...apparently I was.  To everyone who keeps telling me that it isn't getting better yet and the nights are as hot as the days...you were right.  Where is a good crisp fall day when I need one?  


The best parts of the evening?  
1. Seeing my first large university football game
2. Having the opportunity to begin new friendships
3. Realizing I do not want to attend an outdoor event in the evening until October.

FEAR THE FORK!

Open Mouth...Insert Foot

What a day...what a few weeks, maybe months.  Ever have those days when you can't believe it is you who is allowing the words to come out of your mouth?  Yeah, me too.  I feel like I have been completely overwhelmed lately, stressed out and wanting to become a hermit to escape it all...but I can't.  So what, you may ask, do I do?  Well, apparently I nag...yep, I have turned into a nag in the past few months!  
Who am I?  This is incredibly insane and ridiculously unlike me (or so I think and like to believe).  I need an outlet so that my outlet is no longer Tim...while I feel like sometimes he takes things out on me, I sat back tonight, while sweating, overheated and miserable, realizing that while yes, we both take out stress on one another - I instigate much of it, I continue much of it and I start most of it.  ALARMS ARE NOW GOING OFF IN MY BRAIN!!  I am not this woman - I am not the woman that the man doesn't want to be around, or talk to, or love.  No...I'm the cool woman, the one that other guys say, "hey, I hope I can find one like that someday".  Wow...where did I go.


Well...now that I have seen fireworks tonight (both literally...thank you Sun Devil football...and figuratively), there is work to do.  I have already previously decided to overhaul my diet and exercise because I am not happy with it...well, when I'm not happy with that, I am apparently miserable all around.  I refuse to be a miserable woman and a woman that my husband just gets used to hearing nag and therefore no longer listens.  I have to get this all out somewhere else...here?  I don't want to air out laundry (clean or dirty) with anyone, really...maybe I'll take up knitting...or maybe more yoga, meditation?  Going back to church will be a huge help for me - that spiritual recharge is sometimes exactly what is needed.  Life is falling into place but inside of this fall are many of the most stressful situation ever encountered and I need to combat that stress and not beat my husband with it or shove it his way to deal with.  It is me, I am strong, confident and able...I have God on my side, I have my loving husband who is putting up with my crazy and I have my pity party - who so very quickly needs to be uninvited to this party.  I can do this.  I will do this.  I will remove my awful (yet clean) tasting foot out of my mouth and speak kind words, think kind thoughts and live a kind life.

Fingers Crossed

As I sit here prepping for my (hopefully) final interview, I'm thinking of what the next month has in store.  Sure it is exciting to potentially be offered a job in the next few days; sure it is exciting to say I'm moving to sunny Arizona; sure it is exciting to be beginning this new adventure....but is it really?  Sure!  Seriously, it is exciting but right now it is just SO REAL!

Back to the job interview...I know FERPA, I know ASU policies, I know I can kick the behind of this interview and I cannot wait to actually get it done and over with!  End of the day interviews are truly the worst.....but here's hoping!
ASU is a perfect fit...I love school, I love to learn, I love college campuses and I need a job!  Sounds perfect to me! :)

The mish-mash of life...

Wow - so it has been longer than I realized since I've been here.  To be honest, it is harder to come back than I thought...seeing as how my last post was about Grandpa.  Man would he have loved today - the sun is shining, there is a spring crisp in the air and the fish are ready to be caught!  This is the start of "Grandpa's Season"....and it lasts until the last fish bites.  What a great season it is!!  


So I have no great, profound reason for being here...I just have so much going on it seems that sometimes my head is full to the max!  Student teaching has come and gone with great success.  I miss those kids so much and really loved what I was doing for ten weeks - I've continued coaching and that keeps me connected, but it is not the same as making an impact on the students in the classroom.  This connection is what is interesting me about my potential new job - advising.  I have never even thought about advising as a job but I now ask myself why?  Ideally I will end up in a classroom, but those jobs are so few and far between that I need something else to do - and advising seems to be a great alternative.  I get the connection with students, the lightbulbs and power outages that students go through on a weekly basis but I also get the business end of the spectrum...as well as projects!!  (And really, who doesn't love a good project?!?!).  So here's hoping that this job comes through - it is a great opportunity for both Tim and I.  I get back to the workforce and utilize my talents and he can get his MBA!  SCORE!  

So yeah, moving....crazy, right?  I mean, how do people just pick up and move like it is no big deal?  It is a HUGE deal!  Packing up two lives and moving to a new area is completely overwhelming - I'm trying to stay focused and positive but in the end, I'm terrified.  I have the best partner in the world beside me during this adventure and while I am completely excited and looking forward to the move (whenever it happens), I am feeling like a child on the first day of school - uncertain, unsure and ready to pee my pants.  Good news - we have amazing people in the new location to help us through...both friends and family that are ready and willing to help us in any way possible.  Bad news - we are leaving behind amazing people in our current location that have helped us through to this point...I know my friends and family have helped me through what I hope to be the toughest times in my life for now and have helped me become this strong woman I am today...the one willing and wanting to move across the country with her husband.  To all of those both here and there...thank you! 

There are times I question how much of a nerd I am...and then I look at this moving process and realize I'm a bit ridiculous.  I have boxes and boxes of books that I am trying so hard to sort through, donate, sell, etc...but I can't part with them.  They're books!  I can only hope that the new owner loves them the way that I do....but on another nerd quality - I've been researching moving on the internet.  No Joke - you truly can find and learn anything you want on the internet.  There are entire sites, blogs and articles committed to moving across the country - each with its own to-do list, dos and don'ts, tips and tricks and stories.  Talk about being overwhelmed...I think I need to stick to my heart, trust my husband and lean on those around me to get me through - not a computer screen and a stranger. 

Every Time a Bell Rings...

What a week it has been.  I cannot believe that one week ago I was just getting home from my grandpa's wake.  Seriously, whoa.  What happened?  Well, he became peaceful and answered our prayers for no more suffering.  We all got together for Christmas Eve - all minus one.  We weren't all sure if we should get together, but it was good for us all - soothing.  Later that night, Grandpa became irritable and early Christmas morning, he sat in a chair with his feet up and passed.  
This is the first adult bout of death I have had to deal with.  I say I am blessed but I also felt unprepared.  My grandpa is one of my heros, this will not change.  He is the bravest, strongest, most loving, loyal and old school man I have known.  He made sure that Grandma was taken care of, that we were all taken care of by each other and then he went.  He will forever be my Christmas angel and he has single handedly changed my outlook on "It's a Wonderful Life".  I have always loved it, but I now love it more.  We watched it before going to sleep on Christmas Eve and when I woke to the bell of my phone, it was to hear he was no longer with us.  
I am thankful that I have not gotten angry about Grandpa's death.  It seems silly for me to get angry.  I understand if Grandma or Mom get angry - I would as well in their position, but for me...I can't.  I have been so blessed to have had him for the past 29 years to help mentor me and help me discover what I want out of life, love and happiness.  I got a lifetime that most are not as blessed to have.

Grandpa - you continue to amaze me even when you are gone...people continue to talk about you, people are sad they never had the opportunity to know you.  I love you - I will always love you.  You take care until I see you again, keep watch over those fish...there are no good-byes here.

2011....worrying turns to dreaming

2011 goals are written, posted and ready to go - now all I need to do is stay focused, on task, and I will be set! I feel so great lately, well, all things considered.  Being married is truly changing my life, as is the current state of our family.  Never have I made goals for my life, let alone written them down.  Also, my grandfather is in the hospital - had a stroke on his 56th wedding anniversary to my grandma.  So now, my mom, uncles and grandma are up at the hospital every day trying to sort through this situation none of us could imagine.  As my mom said earlier this week, "He is the bravest man I know, and [my grandma] is the strongest woman I know".  It is so true and such an amazing showing of unconditional, unselfish love.  They are completely old school in their relationship and thinking and it is breathtaking to watch, to experience, and I am so blessed to have had this relationship as a model for my life.  I am working to replicate it - not their life exactly, but the feelings and emotions that have come out of it - I want nothing more than for people around Tim and I to look at us and wonder how we do it - what our secret is.  You see, it is not just about love - it is about loving yourself but also loving the other person enough to put them first...number one priority (aside from God).  
Tim and I are planning to move later next year - we are talking about the steps to take to be able to do so...how I go about becoming certified to teach in AZ, how he can get a comparable job out there, when to start a family, where to get a place, rent or own....etc.  It was overwhelming to me for a long time, but recently I have had a sense of calm come over me.  This calm is like God's hand on my shoulder, leading me and comforting me, letting me know that everything is going to work out - as long as I keep Him and Tim first. You see, the overwhelming feeling comes when I try to fit in all of my life as single Jennelle into my life as married Jennelle.  Well, it doesn't work.  I take the best parts of single Jennelle, add them to the best parts of single Tim and together, we have the best of married Tim and Jennelle.  As much as it pains me to leave family and friends here, I am so excited and blessed to have the family and friends out in Arizona that are awaiting our arrival.  No, I won't have my mom and dad, sister, brother or nieces...and no, we won't have Tim's family, but we will have each other and we will have gobs and gobs of technology to keep us connected.  It will be okay, it will be great, it will all work out.  I no longer lie awake worrying and wondering - now I sleep, dreaming of this life for Tim and me, working towards this unconditional and unselfish love....thank you, Grandma and Grandpa, for giving me, all of us you have touched, this goal to reach - this lifetime to make ours out of your template.  

It's Officially Official!

So I have finally gone through the motions to officially and legally change my name.  Being an N-B was interesting but I am now "B" through the social security office, my drivers license - even school and my credit cards!  I wasn't sure how I would feel about it and to be honest, it's weird.  I mean, the identity I have had most of my adult life is now gone as if it never existed...the family name I am so proud to wear is no longer on the back of my jersey.  So it will take some getting used to and I have to practice writing it, but all-in-all....I know I'll master it.  


I heard Carrie Underwood's song yesterday "Last Name"....it made me chuckle because although that song is about getting drunk, married and now knowing your spouse or their last name - it is a bit true.  When I go out, what name will roll off my tongue?  When I sign my credit or debit card, will I sign the correct name?  Will I offend my new family by saying my maiden name if it slips?  It's absolutely amazing to me that all of these questions roll around in my head - do I really have nothing else to think about?