The mish-mash of life...

Wow - so it has been longer than I realized since I've been here.  To be honest, it is harder to come back than I thought...seeing as how my last post was about Grandpa.  Man would he have loved today - the sun is shining, there is a spring crisp in the air and the fish are ready to be caught!  This is the start of "Grandpa's Season"....and it lasts until the last fish bites.  What a great season it is!!  


So I have no great, profound reason for being here...I just have so much going on it seems that sometimes my head is full to the max!  Student teaching has come and gone with great success.  I miss those kids so much and really loved what I was doing for ten weeks - I've continued coaching and that keeps me connected, but it is not the same as making an impact on the students in the classroom.  This connection is what is interesting me about my potential new job - advising.  I have never even thought about advising as a job but I now ask myself why?  Ideally I will end up in a classroom, but those jobs are so few and far between that I need something else to do - and advising seems to be a great alternative.  I get the connection with students, the lightbulbs and power outages that students go through on a weekly basis but I also get the business end of the spectrum...as well as projects!!  (And really, who doesn't love a good project?!?!).  So here's hoping that this job comes through - it is a great opportunity for both Tim and I.  I get back to the workforce and utilize my talents and he can get his MBA!  SCORE!  

So yeah, moving....crazy, right?  I mean, how do people just pick up and move like it is no big deal?  It is a HUGE deal!  Packing up two lives and moving to a new area is completely overwhelming - I'm trying to stay focused and positive but in the end, I'm terrified.  I have the best partner in the world beside me during this adventure and while I am completely excited and looking forward to the move (whenever it happens), I am feeling like a child on the first day of school - uncertain, unsure and ready to pee my pants.  Good news - we have amazing people in the new location to help us through...both friends and family that are ready and willing to help us in any way possible.  Bad news - we are leaving behind amazing people in our current location that have helped us through to this point...I know my friends and family have helped me through what I hope to be the toughest times in my life for now and have helped me become this strong woman I am today...the one willing and wanting to move across the country with her husband.  To all of those both here and there...thank you! 

There are times I question how much of a nerd I am...and then I look at this moving process and realize I'm a bit ridiculous.  I have boxes and boxes of books that I am trying so hard to sort through, donate, sell, etc...but I can't part with them.  They're books!  I can only hope that the new owner loves them the way that I do....but on another nerd quality - I've been researching moving on the internet.  No Joke - you truly can find and learn anything you want on the internet.  There are entire sites, blogs and articles committed to moving across the country - each with its own to-do list, dos and don'ts, tips and tricks and stories.  Talk about being overwhelmed...I think I need to stick to my heart, trust my husband and lean on those around me to get me through - not a computer screen and a stranger. 

Every Time a Bell Rings...

What a week it has been.  I cannot believe that one week ago I was just getting home from my grandpa's wake.  Seriously, whoa.  What happened?  Well, he became peaceful and answered our prayers for no more suffering.  We all got together for Christmas Eve - all minus one.  We weren't all sure if we should get together, but it was good for us all - soothing.  Later that night, Grandpa became irritable and early Christmas morning, he sat in a chair with his feet up and passed.  
This is the first adult bout of death I have had to deal with.  I say I am blessed but I also felt unprepared.  My grandpa is one of my heros, this will not change.  He is the bravest, strongest, most loving, loyal and old school man I have known.  He made sure that Grandma was taken care of, that we were all taken care of by each other and then he went.  He will forever be my Christmas angel and he has single handedly changed my outlook on "It's a Wonderful Life".  I have always loved it, but I now love it more.  We watched it before going to sleep on Christmas Eve and when I woke to the bell of my phone, it was to hear he was no longer with us.  
I am thankful that I have not gotten angry about Grandpa's death.  It seems silly for me to get angry.  I understand if Grandma or Mom get angry - I would as well in their position, but for me...I can't.  I have been so blessed to have had him for the past 29 years to help mentor me and help me discover what I want out of life, love and happiness.  I got a lifetime that most are not as blessed to have.

Grandpa - you continue to amaze me even when you are gone...people continue to talk about you, people are sad they never had the opportunity to know you.  I love you - I will always love you.  You take care until I see you again, keep watch over those fish...there are no good-byes here.

2011....worrying turns to dreaming

2011 goals are written, posted and ready to go - now all I need to do is stay focused, on task, and I will be set! I feel so great lately, well, all things considered.  Being married is truly changing my life, as is the current state of our family.  Never have I made goals for my life, let alone written them down.  Also, my grandfather is in the hospital - had a stroke on his 56th wedding anniversary to my grandma.  So now, my mom, uncles and grandma are up at the hospital every day trying to sort through this situation none of us could imagine.  As my mom said earlier this week, "He is the bravest man I know, and [my grandma] is the strongest woman I know".  It is so true and such an amazing showing of unconditional, unselfish love.  They are completely old school in their relationship and thinking and it is breathtaking to watch, to experience, and I am so blessed to have had this relationship as a model for my life.  I am working to replicate it - not their life exactly, but the feelings and emotions that have come out of it - I want nothing more than for people around Tim and I to look at us and wonder how we do it - what our secret is.  You see, it is not just about love - it is about loving yourself but also loving the other person enough to put them first...number one priority (aside from God).  
Tim and I are planning to move later next year - we are talking about the steps to take to be able to do so...how I go about becoming certified to teach in AZ, how he can get a comparable job out there, when to start a family, where to get a place, rent or own....etc.  It was overwhelming to me for a long time, but recently I have had a sense of calm come over me.  This calm is like God's hand on my shoulder, leading me and comforting me, letting me know that everything is going to work out - as long as I keep Him and Tim first. You see, the overwhelming feeling comes when I try to fit in all of my life as single Jennelle into my life as married Jennelle.  Well, it doesn't work.  I take the best parts of single Jennelle, add them to the best parts of single Tim and together, we have the best of married Tim and Jennelle.  As much as it pains me to leave family and friends here, I am so excited and blessed to have the family and friends out in Arizona that are awaiting our arrival.  No, I won't have my mom and dad, sister, brother or nieces...and no, we won't have Tim's family, but we will have each other and we will have gobs and gobs of technology to keep us connected.  It will be okay, it will be great, it will all work out.  I no longer lie awake worrying and wondering - now I sleep, dreaming of this life for Tim and me, working towards this unconditional and unselfish love....thank you, Grandma and Grandpa, for giving me, all of us you have touched, this goal to reach - this lifetime to make ours out of your template.  

It's Officially Official!

So I have finally gone through the motions to officially and legally change my name.  Being an N-B was interesting but I am now "B" through the social security office, my drivers license - even school and my credit cards!  I wasn't sure how I would feel about it and to be honest, it's weird.  I mean, the identity I have had most of my adult life is now gone as if it never existed...the family name I am so proud to wear is no longer on the back of my jersey.  So it will take some getting used to and I have to practice writing it, but all-in-all....I know I'll master it.  


I heard Carrie Underwood's song yesterday "Last Name"....it made me chuckle because although that song is about getting drunk, married and now knowing your spouse or their last name - it is a bit true.  When I go out, what name will roll off my tongue?  When I sign my credit or debit card, will I sign the correct name?  Will I offend my new family by saying my maiden name if it slips?  It's absolutely amazing to me that all of these questions roll around in my head - do I really have nothing else to think about?  

Oh, the joys of life!

Well...it's official - we are an old married couple!  We sat down last night to our first "Budget Committee Meeting" of our life together.  The meeting went well - I did my best to stay engaged, focused and interested in numbers and spreadsheets and he did his best to stay patient with me.
We are starting on a plan - a plan made by Dave Ramsey.  We plan to live today like no one else so that down the road we can live like no one else.  We are both so excited to be starting this journey - but to be honest, it is a bit scary, a bit unnerving, a bit worrisome....but we have each other to lean on and support - and there is no greater feeling in my life than having a partner that I can be completely honest and vulnerable with.
so...day one of budget is down, a lifetime to go.  I am so blessed to have been introduced to this system and look forward to sharing pieces of our journey!

Cheers to financial peace!
Jb

Well, I'm a B

It's been about a year since I started this blog, wrote once, and haven't written since.  So much has happened - Tim and I have gotten married and have begun our life together.  I'm officially a "B" now, moved up in the alphabet from "N".  I haven't had the opportunity to utilize the move yet, but I will say I'm looking forward to it at graduation this summer - it's the one time I know for sure I will get to use it!

Bryan Swisher Photography

We are working on figuring out married life, how to keep this life going now that it has begun.  We are talking money, budget, moving, family, jobs, retirement, vacation, cars, house...you name it, we are discussing it.  The tough part is we are both coming up on the busiest time of the year for us - busy season for him and student teaching for me.  We are trying to get as much done before hand as possible, but when you are planning to move across the country, its hard to do a lot in advance and blind.
I'm so blessed to have my life - to have everyone in it that I do, everything in it that I have.  I heard a quote today from Lou Holtz, extraordinary college  football coach for South Carolina and Notre Dame (others, not sure?) and also one of the cutest old men I have ever seen, that has changed my outlook on life, how I'm thinking of my dreams, my goals, my life: "Everyone needs four things in life: something to do, someone to love, something to believe in and something to hope for".  Hope, belief, love, action... simple?  Absolutely.... easy? Not quite.  I've been thinking about my goals in life - thinking about who I want to be, what I want to do, how I go about making a difference.  I am still thinking through those, but stay tuned...I hope to figure it out little by little.
Thank You, Lou Holtz, for making a difference in my world today!

Becoming Future B

Well, its happened! September 18, 2009, my always had begun. Tim proposed to me at Buckingham Fountain that evening - after carefully crafting every detail. We were going to see the fountain before they shut it off for the season and he had a plan all of his own. We met a very nice man who took pictures for us, I thought just one photo, but again, Tim had his own plan. The man took many pictures and captured the whole proposal on film. It was perfect - romantic, sweet, loving and playful, all at once...just like Tim. When Tim began his speech, I thought I was being tossed into

the fountain. You see, Tim had me convinced that he did not want to get married, and I believe it to be somewhat true. When you start dating someone, you don't know what the other person expects or what you even want....well, Tim had me completely fooled - to the point where I was making anti-marriage comments and jokes for him. I had gotten to a point in my life where I knew I wanted to be with Tim....however he would take me. I searched my soul, prayed and thought and realized that he was worth more to me than marrying someone because I wanted to be married. Once I came to the decision that I didn't need to be married to be happy with Tim, he proposed - perfect! So here we are, at Buckingham Fountain, and I am once again swept off my feet by Tim. The ring, designed by him, is perfect, the night was perfect and we are perfect. I cannot wait for our forever to begin and to always enjoy our always......